Posts Tagged ‘Missing’

I miss the warmth of your gentle hug and the love I felt when my arms were wrapped around you. I miss seeing your beautiful smile and the sound of your voice saying my name. I miss our family, without you in it. There is emptiness there, where you once were. I miss you  in moments of sucess, I miss you saying…”this is my grandson” to everyone around and the look of pride you held with each word spoken everytime I did something good..

I miss our evening prayers, but I know you are with our Lord praying for all. Your prayers and sacrifice gave us everything that we have. To pray, To help, To sympathize, To love, To Forgive, To care ….. you taught us all!

And now when I close my eyes and feel the warmth of your gentle hug once more and envision wrapping my arms around you. I see your smile as you say my name. I realize that if I could just go back into my precious memories of you I would find your treasured words and love in a special place deep in my heart.

I miss you but I have to go on with my life till my day comes. What a wonderful day it will be when we finally are reunited at heavens door. Until then my memories of you I will keep near to my heart and I will pass them on to those who are so dear.

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An unusual wake up call from my School Principal on 11-1-11 at around 2:30 AM woke me up sending a cold wave down my limbs. The call I would hate to remember as one of the most shocking I had in my Life. The message he had for me left me speechless. He said Mr. P. E . Ramachandran, Our Maths Teacher left this world yesterday night. Hardly 12 hours before this I was at my school and had spend quality time with this genius. And now, this news! I couldn’t believe it! Rather didn’t want to!!

The rest of the night was a sleepless one, with the shock of the sudden demise haunting me on one side and the flashbacks of those lovely good old days at school on the other. I tried to ring up a few of my school friends then. But it was in vain as no one picked up. And well, I knew how they all would be reacting so on a second thought I decided to make those calls after 6. Now waiting for my batch mates to turn up to leave to Ramachandran Sir’s house at Allepy, I thought I will write this.

Though there are many who inspire and influence my thoughts, there are only very few people in my life, who could and can really influence my decisions. Ramachandran Sir was one among them. The last decade for me was so full of him along with my other teachers in SKPS. I guess, it was in 2002, when we were in 9th, that we first met Ramachandran Sir. Even before he came to SKPS, we had heard a lot about this very strict disciplinarian cum Maths Prof coming from KENDRIYA VIDYALAYA, post retirement to tame the naughty SKPSIANS. To much of our surprise, his style was unique and much different from what we heard. There were many people who hated Mathematics, and I was one among them. From a struggling student to a 95% holder in Maths for 10th Std CBSE If I grew, a lot of credit goes to my Maths teachers at SKPS – Ramachandran Sir and Babu Paul Sir. It was not just my story but of many others too.

Ramachandran Sir’s classes were not just algebra and calculus ruining your brains. It was much more fun than any Mathematics class could be! Not denying the fact that ‘the cane’ treatment was inevitable in his class. But in this case, students use to love it. Ramachandran Sir used to give us little punishments, make us stand at back, some times wack us with his cane if we were too naughty. But no one ever to best of my knowledge felt bad with all that. Infact, if punishments could change you without inducing any fear or hatred to the person imposing it upon you, it was only with this man.

After my 10th, I still had chosen to continue in the Maths – Science Stream. After an initial log phase in First year of Junior College, my mathematics went into a real lag phase. While in other subjects I could get a decent score, Mathematics was my biggest weakness as Calculus made no Sense for me at all. More over I was convinced that my stream of choice should be medicine or management and not engineering. So integration and differentiation was the last thing I wanted to learn. With this attitude, I’m sure I would have flunked more than once in my 12th Mathematics. But surprising me and many others I never used to get marks less than 50 % in Maths as per school records. The secret was with my Mathematics Teacher (Ramachandran Sir, also my class teacher then), who had full confidence in my dreams and knew I wanted more time to settle in. Not disappointing anyone I cleared 12th Maths Paper too.

With the person he was, I feel our batch was the luckiest as he had a special attachment with us, which was evident from the freedom he gave us. He had a lot of confidence in each one of us. He knew us too personally that our dreams soon became his ‘dreams for us’. Till we all got into our Professional Colleges he used to ring up and enquire our whereabouts regularly!

After going to college, even with activities and events at college level taking up most of your time, our group used to make it a point to visit our old school and teachers at least once in 6 months. We were there for 12 years and it was not easy for us to say Goodbye to the place which taught us all the tricks to excel in life. Ramachandran Sir was the most favorite among all, as for a reason to come back to SKPS. When we fail to show up for some time, this gentleman used to make calls and ask what happened and why we failed to do so this time.

When people later in my life started telling that I’m so lucky and things often happen to me so perfectly timed and well planned I say 3 things – 1. God’s Grace, 2. Parent’s Prayers 3. Teacher’s Blessings.

This was my triangle of Success till now and would be the same hopefully for ever. The rest all would fall in place if you have these three. Often called as a ‘Masca Guy or a Soap Boy’ doesn’t make any difference to me as long as I am aware I am getting all the blessings. The rest doesn’t matter.

It was with teachers at SKPS that we learned how to respect and more over LOVE your teachers. Our teachers were never distant and far from us, they were part of your life so much that even years after leaving the school they are so dear to us.

And when you are sincere you get sincere rewards. For the past one year due to commitments and responsibilities at college I hardly came home or visited my school teachers. I missed many B’days, Anniversaries and forgot to even call them regularly. And I heard from my friends who went for visits and get-togethers at schools about teachers asking ‘what happened to Jino ?’.  And especially Ramachandran Sir was upset that often my phone comes busy and he could not get me on line for almost a year. So this time when I got a week long vacation, the first plan on my card was to visit Rev. Fathers and Teachers at SKPS. And so with the plan I went to School yesterday. Though many teachers whom I wanted to meet were on leave, I was so happy to meet Ramachandran Sir. He talked with me for about 10 mins during lunch break. He was still complaining about me not calling and my phone being busy always. He asked me to check whether the number of mine fed on his phone was the right one and promised me he will call me as I get back to Bangalore. And as I said Bye and walked off to meet other teachers the least I expected was to hear the news of his demise within few hours.

We will miss you a lot, dear Sir !

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Kayyalackal, Mannar: I reached here today morning. The bus was little late. But managed to reach before 9:30 AM, so could meet Papa and Mummy. This is the First time I’m coming home after our Ammachi (my Grandmother) left us all, to rest in the peace of our Good Lord.

Whenever I think of my house Ammachi’s face used to come to my mind. There were weeks/days when my parents (transfers, trainings etc) were not here… but except a few weeks of hospitalization Ammachi was allways here.
For the past 18 years she was ‘the presence’ which made our home complete.
It has been one month since she left us….
And now…The room is empty… The voice we loved is still… I miss something here… It might sound weird for some of you… But at my home .. I feel quite strange today !!
No, No one can fill that gap that she has left in our hearts… Her prayers were our strength. I can still feel the warmth of her love for us…. I miss you a lot dear Ammachi !!

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